Being loved anyway

Only the beginning of February and all the hopeless romantics are coming out of the woodwork! Well, what's one more :)

This is a article on LOVE i read many years ago and found it such fantastic advice...i actually wrote it down. I did not come up with this, someone called Ellen Goodman did... but i have found this to be the best relationship advice i have ever come across.

My father would get up in the morning, look in the mirror and say "You're no bargain..." Many years later he explained this ritual to me... If you start your day looking your own flaws in the face, you might work up a good attitude for gratitude before breakfast. If you know you are the one with more flaws in the morning, by evening you could be overflowing with appreciation for someone who actually loves you anyway.

The glue of any long term attachment then is Being Loved Anyway.

There are at least two ingredients to this 'sticky' business:

1. You have to know your own worst, and
2. You have to find someone who also knows it; but doesn't think it's all that awful.

Being loved anyway is not being seen as perfect but being accepted as imperfect. If there is a constant in life, it must be the human fear of being unlovable. Insecurity was invented by the first child who was caught misbehaving and asked his mother, 'Do you love me anyway?'

That child lives on in all of us. That child is the one making choices every day between the safety of hiding and the risk of being discovered but being loved anyway.

We are told people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, or because of luck! But part of it at least has got to be about forgiveness and gratefulness.

The understanding that though you're not perfect, you love and you are loved ANYWAY.

The Paneer Chilli is Chinese

“It says here that the Paneer Chilli is chinese!!” I said. “Yes, it is” he replied, without so much as a flicker of doubt. I would question the veracity of that statement, except I had learnt the hard way that my friend is never wrong about anything…on a restaurant menu! Eventually the food arrived and proved him right. Some INDIgenius chef had found a way of incorporating the very Indian paneer into a spicy version of the Chinese Stir fry.

I was complaining that I expected the paneer to be an Indian preparation. I’m one of those people who is an Indian Inside! No matter how affluent the restaurant, if it doesn’t make good Indian food it just won’t do. And this got me thinking… You don’t love Indian food because it’s good for you (a lot of it isn’t in the same vicinity as healthy!)… you love it because it makes your taste buds explode!! That applies quite literally if you’re an American on your first trip to India. You can’t expect a gastrointestinal system raised on dumplings from China Town and fries from McDonald’s to handle a Hyderabadi Dum Biryani.

It’s quite the same thing with India as a country. We don’t love India for its sunlit perfection and dependable efficiency… and I certainly don’t love it for its sanskriti and parampara. I love it because we are a nation flawed…and we know it…and it’s okay.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that we do nothing about the current state of affairs…I’m just saying that you need not look so embarrassed doing it. Being proud of your country on a day when Dhoni lifts the T20 world cup trophy is easy, loving it on a day when you’re stuck in an hour long traffic jam is not. Let’s face it: living in India is hard work…and everyone gets some of it some of the time. It doesn’t matter if you drive a Mercedes S-class, ‘cause a herd of cows parked dead center on a highway will still make you wait. You’re just as likely to step into dog poop whether you wear Gucci or good-old Indian Chappals!

So why do I want so much to live here more than anywhere else in the world? Because living here makes you a better person...it builds character, the kind that will arm you with the street smarts to survive anywhere in the world! Allow me to explain. Versatility is living in a country with 26 recognised languages and having to clear at least 3 of them to just finish high-school. Tolerance is traveling in a bus so crowded that you are nose-to-armpit with the smelliest guy there. Patience is having to slow down on a 4-lane highway ‘cause there are sheep crossing! Value of money is what you learn when you meet a woman begging for alms while balancing an infant on her shoulder. Respect for human life is what keeps us from shooting a guy in the head simply because he pissed us off… the most we would ever do is swear at the blighter in our native tongue!

We’re a nation where you have to do the right thing simply because it is the right thing to do…you certainly wouldn’t do it for fear of the criminal justice system! Ours is not speedy enough to inspire that kind of fear. Ours is a nation that teaches you to respect all religions through ample evidence of what happens when people don’t. We’re a nation where children are taught to respect even the enemy and we will cremate, with full respects, the bodies of Pakistani POWs after their own country has disowned them. We are innately an intelligent people. The greatest testament to this is our constant willingness to change and evolve in the face of new wisdom. We are also a secure people, and frequently adopt a lot from the cultures we touch… be that with respect to our national language or the paneer chilli :)

Yes, there are short-comings. Yes, a lot remains to be done. But here’s the thing… for you to want to do something for this nation you have to care… and to truly care about something you have to love it… at least a little.

Much like the Paneer Chilli, which started it all, India is a work in progress, but much like the paneer chilli it can only get better from here.

Finding Mr Parikh

Mr. R. S. Parikh is an unassuming 52 year old taxi driver from Lower Parel in Mumbai, and drives taxi number 14558-W-2000.

He needs glasses to be able to read fine print. He has one son and two daughters. He hails from Uttar Pradesh, and has lived the greater part of his adult life in Mumbai and can now identify every hotel and every street in this vast city, although the odd name does slip through the talons of his mind. He is a conscientious man who wants his children, especially his daughters, to go out and experience the world and hopes they will get an education that will enable them to make an independent life for themselves.

But how do I know all this? And why was it so important to find Mr. Parikh?

Just about a week into my stay in Mumbai city and thanks to my mortal fear of the Mumbai local!! I was being bled to death by the (omnipresent) taxis!!! I know what you’re thinking… the taxis in Mumbai are second to none and are an essential component of its intricate transport system… I am sure you’re right, however, after you’ve paid Rs.50/- for the same distance you yesterday traveled for 20 bucks… you’ll forgive the loss of faith! But then, just as the proverbial donkey’s proverbial back was about to break, I met Mr. Parikh…

Mr. Parikh was a man who chose to be honest in a trade where not being so was the key to making a lot of ‘quick bucks’. He believed in being honest with tourists!!!! [Tourists: the universally accepted bait for small and big fish alike!] He said this was important to preserve the good name of the city he works in. He drove us on various trips round the city… each time charging by the billing card, which he had so generously taught us to read so that we would not get fleeced by other cabbies. The day I was leaving Mumbai he waited with me for an hour and a half of lucrative business hours because he didn’t think a girl should have to wait alone in a strange city.

Good people exist… though, it’s easier to believe that in the dog-eat-dog world we live in such people must have long since become extinct. Rare as seeing shooting stars maybe, but the fact remains that if you spent more time looking up at the sky you would see more shooting stars than you do with the occasional heavenward glance. Those who have given up hope in the goodness of mankind will not be disappointed either. If you go out into the world expecting to find only the bad, the ugly and the dishonest…odds are someone will make your nightmares come true. When you start out trusting someone, you give them incentive to live up to your expectations. That, however, does not imply blind faith… just the willingness to look with all your heart for goodness and sincerity particularly in the face of constant defeat.

Mr Parikh told me that he thinks there are about 80% corrupt people in the world and only 20% who want to be honest. He has seen a lot more of the world for me to be arguing percentages with the man, but I think that even that 20% needs someone to believe in them. I found my 20% and I am infinitely grateful for it. Here’s hoping the other 80% will meet their 20% soon.

Resurrection... and a realisation to go with it.

Love, or anything that resembles it even remotely, is difficult to give up... because it makes you happy to know you had it, and likely also because you don't realise you might ever talk about it in the past tense till you do. Love (the kind most tv sitcoms and movies will have you believe in) is such a rare thing that most would rarely believe you can find it more than once... so when you find it (however poor the odds) you hold on to it.

When you get to the point where you have to walk away from it though, you find yourself in the most difficult of predicaments... letting go. Giving up on the memories feels like you're letting go of happiness... when more often than not, it is quite the opposite!) which explains why the world over Inboxes are spilling over and old letters keep popping up when you least expect them :)

Most people won't even try to forget...lest they succeed.

The fear of being alone is a potent argument in favour of falling for someone...even when the someone in question is so wrong for you that your brain wants to hit your heart on the head with your shoes! Even when you've been there and done that :)

Dare to Believe!

I have had the good fortune of being raised in a family where my folks did not believe in imposing their religious beliefs on me.... or perhaps i was fortunate enough to be so bull-headed that my parents did not see the point in attempting any such imposition :)) 

The result of this freedom is that i have grown up with very liberal views on the subject of Divinity....and am fortunate enough, yet again, to be a greater believer in God than in religion.... 

Recently had the time and opportunity...and a burst of creativity which produced the following result...sums up my belief system.... 

Feel free to agree or disagree.... God and I are ready for the argument! :))

I believe in someone i can not see
They call Him God and i let it be
Some call him Creator, Father, Mother or Friend
They blame him for creating the universe and for its inevitable end.
Most people think he's scary, I choose to disagree;
He has always been civil when dealing with me.
Most people think he's pricy, and again i disagree;
I talk to him so often and he expects little else from me.
Some say they need to see him to believe he's truly there,
But if only seeing were believing, i dont think i'd care.
Some say he does not speak my language, he will not understand;
I say you do not know HIM, i do not think you can. 

When in doubt...

What do u think is worse....? Saying something and wishing u hadnt... or not saying something and wishing u had?? If youre having a bad day odds are u will regret it anyway! So do the next best thing.... hold that thought and say it in a blog.... Looks like thats what i'm doing.

So whats a "pseudoism"...? hmmmmmm.... Something that sounds really profound and appears to have the potential to be the answer to all your problems in the world....when u hear em on a rainy day... but which when viewed in the light of reason..... is just a whole lot of hot air....! :)

Maybe not all of it.... ;))